A person usually has two reasons for doing a thing: one that sounds good and a real one. The person himself will think of the real reason. But all of us, being idealists at heart, like to think of motives that sound good. So, in order to change people, appeal to the nobler motives. This is a pretty neat technique that you can use in many ways. The underlying premise is that we all have those two motives, the one that sounds good (the nobler motive) and the real one. Usually people themselves know quite well that they do something for the real reason, but why should we not make them feel great by emphasizing the nobler motives?

If you know exactly that your buddy Mike does a certain job just for the money, but he tells you that he does it to help other people. Why on earth would you then tell him something like, “Aww come on, Mikey! We all know you just do it for the money. It’s obvious. I mean it’s OK, but you’re a gold digger, bro!” Why would you emphasize the real motive? That’s only going to make him feel bad and justify himself. Instead just let him have his nobler motive and be like, “Oh your new job? Yeah, I think it’s pretty cool. I think you’re helping a lot of people by doing that. It’s definitely pretty cool.” Appeal to the higher motive of helping people. That will make him feel good and put you in a good position to win him to your way of thinking.

Or let’s imagine your kids are having a dispute and you want them to stop. So you talk to the older brother and tell him, “Buddy, I want you to stop arguing with your little brother. I mean you’re probably right, but he’s your little brother. You are more mature. For me, you’re like his bodyguard. His protector. You take care of him and are protecting him like great older brothers do it. He’s looking up to you… you know that right? So stop arguing, and go play outside with him a bit.” You’re appealing to all kinds of higher motives: Maturity, protector, bodyguard, care-taker, being the ideal for his younger brother, being a great older brother etc… That kid will now try to fulfill all of these personality traits that his father has “given” to him. He will stop arguing and go play with his younger brother outside (feeling like he’s a great older brother).

When you say such ENCOURAGING/NOBLER things, people will try to prove to you that it’s true. “Oh yes, he’s right! I AM a good listener.” “Yeah, he’s totally right. I have taken care of myself very well. It’s only logical that I start working out.” “Oh he’s so right. I HAVE always been generous with other people. I can give him that…” Do you see how this works? The other person will always try to emulate the higher motive which you’ve assigned or given to him. ONLY use these powers for positive stuff and NOT to take over the world… I mean you’ve always struck me as a friendly, kind, and peaceful person anyway. So I probably wouldn’t need to tell you, right?