When Marianne decided to navigate the dating world using self-help, she was surprised that approaching men wasn’t a problem, thanks to her fear-facing and rejection therapy. However, her assumption that finding a man would be easy was proven wrong. Despite going on various dates, including one with someone she genuinely liked, an awkward moment revealed a deeper issue.

The key message here is: An uncomfortable date exposed why Marianne struggled to connect with others.

Marianne realized that a profound belief was hindering her romantic relationships – she didn’t believe that anyone could truly love her. This revelation led her to the book “Daring Greatly” by Brené Brown, whose philosophy resonated with Marianne’s difficult emotions. It was shame, the feeling of not deserving love and belonging, that underlay many of Marianne’s destructive habits.

According to Brown, people, when ashamed, pursue unattainable perfection. Failing, they turn to various distractions like alcohol or food to numb the pain, often isolating themselves. Marianne had experienced this cycle, including cutting herself off. Ironically, connecting with others was the remedy for her shame. By sharing her feelings with an understanding person, Marianne began dismantling the shame.

It all clicked for Marianne. Despite her efforts to self-help, she needed to reach out to others. Following Brené Brown’s advice, she repaired fractured relationships. She concluded her self-help journey with Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life.”

Hay emphasizes that self-love is the foundation for improving all aspects of life. Marianne, embracing this message, finally realized that she truly loved herself. Her journey of trying to fix perceived flaws showcased her strength and the fact that she was alive. Marianne decided she was done scrutinizing herself for flaws.