How often have you set goals at the beginning of a new year, only to look back after a year and find that you haven’t reached any of them?

It can be discouraging. But many of us dust ourselves off, reassess our goals, and try to figure out how we can do better. Marianne was no different. When she entered the new year without the perfect life she’d set out to create, she consulted a therapist.

The key message here is: A therapist and a German spiritual teacher helped Marianne understand the root of her struggles with perfection.

What Marianne learned in the therapist’s chair was reassuring. She realized that after so much introspection all on her own, breaking down was a normal reaction. This one therapy session did more than just validate Marianne’s feelings. It also pointed her toward a book that clarified everything for her.

When Marianne read Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now, every word felt like the gospel.

She discovered that she constantly told herself that she wasn’t good enough. What’s more, she was, in a way, attached to these beliefs. They were familiar, comfortable stories she’d been telling herself. And so, she gravitated toward situations that would confirm them.

But perhaps the most important revelation from The Power of Now was this: in trying to become the most perfect version of herself, Marianne was prioritizing her future while ignoring her present.

This, she realized, was something she’d done her entire life. Instead of appreciating the steps she was taking, however small, Marianne kept thinking she would only be happy once she achieved her goal. She obsessed over a perfect future and beat herself up when she failed.

Once Marianne took this to heart, she began focusing on the good things in her present. The world around her was beautiful. She had a healthy body. She was surrounded by friends and family.

A month after she’d experienced a depressive episode, Marianne was calmer than she’d ever been in her life. Her self-help journey had, finally, brought her peace of mind. But there was one question people kept asking: When would it bring her love?