Three-fourths of the people you meet are craving sympathy. Provide it, and they’ll cherish you. It’s AMAZING!! People desire to be heard and, most importantly, understood. People. Want. To. Be. Understood. They want assurance that you grasp their opinions and challenges. I recall reading a diet book revealing that many overweight people aren’t at fault for their weight, and losing weight is incredibly challenging. When I shared this with my mom, her response was astonishing, “I KNEW IT! DIDN’T I ALWAYS TELL YOU EXACTLY THAT?” She was overjoyed, simply because I agreed with her perspective. It made her feel understood—acknowledging her struggles, recognizing it’s not her fault, and understanding how tough it is, just as she always emphasized.

Carnegie provides a magical phrase that diffuses arguments, fosters positive interactions, and captures people’s attention: “I don’t blame you at all for feeling the way you do. If I were you, I would undoubtedly feel the same way.” This line is powerful because it can be genuinely sincere. If we were in the other person’s shoes, with her problems, needs, and desires, we would indeed feel the same way she does.

Here are a few similar phrases we might use: “Look, I totally get it. If I were you, I’m not sure if I would do it either…” “I don’t blame you. I think it would be great if you could join us… But I understand it’s a tough decision. I wouldn’t know either in your situation.” “Yep. I think you’re totally right. If I were you, I’d probably feel the exact same way.”