If you wish to help someone improve in a certain aspect, behave as if that particular trait were already one of their outstanding characteristics. Provide them with a fine reputation to live up to, and they will exert tremendous efforts rather than witness your disappointment. Remember the principle: Appeal to the nobler motives? Recall this example: ‘You strike me as someone who’s a great listener…’

It applies similarly here: If you attribute a lofty reputation to a person, it incites in them a desire to meet those expectations. In essence, act as if that specific trait is already one of their outstanding characteristics, and the person will strive to live up to it. In the previous example, the trait would be a ‘good listener.’ The friend will now endeavor to live up to that reputation and actively listen to you. Carnegie illustrates this with the story of Bill, a mechanic whose work had become unsatisfactory. His boss addressed the situation by saying:

‘You are a fine mechanic, you have been in the business for many years, and we’ve had a number of compliments on the good work you have done. But lately, your work has not been up to your own old standards, and I thought you’d want to know since you’ve been such an outstanding mechanic in the past.’ The outcome? Bill, the mechanic, rediscovered his old work ethic and excelled in his job as before. It’s no surprise when considering the reputation his manager gave him to live up to. This approach isn’t confined to situations where someone isn’t performing at their best; it works in nearly every scenario. If you aim to modify someone’s behavior, act as though that person already exhibits that behavior. You can use phrases like: ‘I really love __ about you.’ ‘You’re so good at __. I think that’s just great!’ ‘You know what I appreciate about you? You always __.’ ‘Why are you acting this way? Usually, you’re totally __.’ Is this manipulative? Yes, it might be. But aren’t we always trying to manipulate each other? Consider when you’re persuading someone to go to the doctor for their health’s sake or convincing a friend to join you for a jog. We constantly manipulate each other, so why not learn some effective tricks, using them for positive purposes?