“Sometimes, we have to point out the mistakes of others, guide them with firmness, offer advice, or give feedback to improve the situation. A good way to do that is to start with a compliment. It’s like the dentist who numbs your mouth before drilling. You still feel some discomfort, but the numbing agent reduces the pain. We are more willing to accept negative comments after we have received some positive ones. Let me say that again: We are more willing to accept negative comments after we have received some positive ones. So, when we want to correct or criticize someone, we should always begin by acknowledging the good aspects, the things that the person did well.

You can think of it as a sandwich. The bottom slice is the compliment, the filling is your feedback, and the top slice is something nice (like another compliment).

It’s very important that the compliment is GENUINE. You can’t just say, “Overall it’s good, BUT this and that and this here and there… these things are all terrible! You have to change these things! Oh, but overall it was good…” That won’t work. You have to do it in a sincere way and in a way that the other person understands it. Highlight the specifics and small things that you appreciated, “This first part was excellent. You did a great job on that and you included XYZ. It’s well expressed and you also did this other thing too which I liked. In part 2 there are a few things that I would like to examine more closely (then start with constructive feedback).” Remember that we all DESIRE appreciation.